Confessions Of A Pack Rat
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FIRST ENTRY: Fool Me Once
2003-03-20 - 7:25 a.m.
Hello. Welcome to my Diary.
Once upon a time, I was fooled by somebody online, who claimed he was somebody famous. In fact, he claimed he was a pair of famous people. I actually believed I had run into none other than Andy Bell and Vince Clarke of Erasure on AOL. I was conned out of pairs of gifts, at least one of which he passed on to a mutual friend of ours. She asked if I had ever received a sterling silver pentacle from him as a gift, and I put two and two together and scanned the matching one I owned. "Is this what it looks like?" I said. "That little shit!..." she replied. When he was pretending to be Vince Clarke, he pretended to be in love with me. I was manipulated and lied to, and my relationship with this extremely troubled person almost cost me my marriage.
The somebody turned out to be a twenty four year old man -- named Andy Bell -- or at least CLAIMING to be named Andy Bell -- who has the chutzpah to actually profess to be upset with me for posting a page to my web site exposing his impersonation so I would not be held liable for inadvertently furthering his hoax.
It would have been a nice gesture if he at least offered to return the gifts I gave to 'Vince', since in fact nobody by that name lives at that residence.
It would also be a moral and significant gesture on his part if he could have written an email to me telling me he was sorry for lying to me for sixteen months, he was sorry for telling other people *I* was lying when I said he had no affiliation with Erasure whatsoever, and that he is in fact NOT the Andy Bell of Erasure.
But somebody in his circle is telling him not to put anything actionable down where others can read it.
I'm sorry, but that's already happened.
Every piece of snailmail he ever sent me under the exclusive name 'Vince Clarke' qualifies as Mail Fraud; everything he ever autographed from 'Vince Clarke' also qualifies as Mail Fraud -- the definition of which is as follows (Thanks to the 'Lectric Law Library for the information):
A person can be found guilty of that offense only if all of the following facts are proved: First: That the person knowingly and willfully devised a scheme to defraud, or for obtaining money or property by means of false pretenses, representations or promises; and Second: That the person used the United States Postal Service by mailing, or by causing to be mailed, some matter or thing for the purpose of executing the scheme to defraud.
If anybody decides to file, he's got nobody to blame for this but himself.
Frankly, I feel like a fucktard -- and I'm sure the person that did this to me is still chuckling up his shirtsleeve at the thought of what he thinks he got away with -- but if I write about this, maybe I can spare somebody else this experience.
Anyway, however you found me and for whatever reason, thanks for visiting.
Unless of course you came here with the intent to make fun of me.
In which case, go fuck yourselves. :-)
And Andy? If you're still out there and you're mad at me for writing this? Too fucking bad.
I won't take anything down until you apologize.
You're just a sorry-ass motherfucker.
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