FRIDAY FIVE Aug 1 / The C Word

Friday, Aug. 01, 2003 - 10:27 a.m.

A couple of people have written to me and asked why I don't say more about my husband John in Diaryland. The answer is simple: John doesn't want me to.

I've mentioned him before -- but after the second or third time of me hearing "Oh, geez, did you HAVE to tell everybody about THAT?", we sat down and had a talk. His original offer was to let me write whatever I wanted about him -- and then submit it to him for approval. When I met his offer with the phrase "You're kidding me, right? Tell me you're kidding," we then realized that the optimal solution was for me to simply not mention him. In effect, he's become the oldest Osbourne kid, the one that moved out before the series began filming.

There are many interesting things that he says that would probably provide fodder for discussion, but he's less inclined to show his warts to strangers than I am, so that's why he's only mentioned in the most peripheral of terms. It's the way he likes it. :)

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This week's Friday Five: (Questions are boldface, my answers appear beneath.)

What time do you wake up on weekday mornings?

A: I am a night person, so the last things I do before going to sleep on weekday mornings are make my husband's brownbag lunch, make a Diaryland entry, and review the previous day's stats to see how many hits I got, and which banners are getting the best clickthroughs. But in answer to your question, my 'morning' generally begins around three in the afternoon and lasts until eight or nine the next morning.

Do you sleep in on the weekends? How late?

A: No, my sleep patterns don't change, unless there's weekend honeydos to take care of, then ironically enough, I get up earlier.

Aside from waking up, what is the first thing you do in the morning?

A: Pee.

How long does it take to get ready for your day?

A: Approximately thirty minutes from start to finish; less time if I don't dither around with my hair too much.

When possible, what is your favorite place to go for breakfast?

A: My own kitchen, especially since I learned to make waffles from scratch. Although, I still get nostalgic for this one little place up in Idaho I used to go to that made what I refer to as the World's Deadliest Breakfast: A turkey platter full of hashbrowns -- served with brown gravy that was full of onions. For $1.99. This food forced you to keep moving, because if you didn't, you would go back to sleep.

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Okay. Now, if you wanna play Friday Five, go here.

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PREDICTION: Arnold Schwarzenegger is going to go ahead and run for Governor of California. He's notorious for taking a long time to make up his mind about doing something. But according to a friend who works at our state capital, he's been doing his homework for this particular position since the summer of 1996. He'll announce before the deadline, August 9th.

The bumperstickers will be fun -- "Dear Minnesota: Our Governor Can Beat Up Your Governor."

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Now, I beg your indulgence. Please allow me to express this sentiment about a story that is currently in the headlines. If you're new here, I -strongly- advise you to go to the upper left corner and read my first entry to gain a deeper understanding of the feelings I'm expressing to this person.

Here's an excerpt of the story:

THORNTOWN, Ind. (AP) - A woman who authorities said called the parents of a missing girl and claimed to be their long-lost daughter was charged Wednesday with committing a cruel hoax.

Donna L. Walker, 35, of Topeka, Kan., faces a felony charge of identity deception and a misdemeanor charge of false reporting. Her whereabouts were not known on Wednesday, authorities said. Walker called the parents of Shannon Marie Sherrill and also is believed to have contacted news organizations to spread word about the possible break in the case, Bursten said. He described her actions as a "cruel hoax."

Six-year-old Shannon vanished Oct. 5, 1986, as she played hide-and-seek outside her mother's mobile home in Thorntown, about 30 miles northwest of Indianapolis. Her father, William Michael Sherrill, broke down in tears during a news conference Wednesday announcing that the call was a hoax. "I wasn't expecting this at all," said Sherrill, who learned about the hoax about 15 minutes before the news conference. "I thought they were going to bring Shannon in here."

The identity deception charge carries a maximum sentence of three years in prison, Boone County Prosecutor Todd Meyer said. "I am very disappointed the case has taken this turn," Meyer said. "The case I want to prosecute was the case of an abductor and the happy ending is the child coming home. Unfortunately that's not the closing argument I get to make."

Dear Donna:

Eat shit in Hell on a paper plate with a plastic spoon, you worthless, cum-gargling cunt.

Thank you.

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Okay, I'm done now. Have a lovely day.

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