Letter to a Friend's Daughter

Sunday, Oct. 26, 2003 - 6:22 a.m.

I wrote this for a daughter of a friend of mine, and gave it to the friend and told him it was his decision entirely as to whether or not she would ever see this. He finally got around to taking it out of the envelope and reading it, and his reaction was to tell me that he was completely blown away and that he couldn't believe I would do something like this. At first, because I couldn't tell by the tone of his voice, I thought he was upset that I had done something so personal for her.

But then he said it was 'groovy', so I'm no longer worried. :)

I thought I would share the letter with my readers today.

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Dear [Friend's Daughter],

I honestly have no idea if your father will ever show you this letter. I don't know if I have even met you yet. But at the time this was written, your father was one of my dearest friends, and because you are his daughter, I came to care for you as an extension of my friendship with him. I wrote this letter to you when you were ten, and I wanted him to give you this when you're older, because it contains some things that I have found out during my life that I wish an adult somewhere had been good enough to tell me before I went through the process of finding this stuff out for myself.

As a matter of fact, I doubt you'll understand a lot of this stuff at the age of ten -- but I'm not worried, because if I know your dad, he'll be certain you're ready before you see this.

I'm certainly no role model -- as I'm sure your beleagured father remembers all too well -- but there are still some things I would really feel better having made the attempt to let you know that I know.

So for what it's worth, here goes:

Other than your transcript, your diploma, and any photos of you that may appear in your yearbooks, very little of what you experience in school is going to remain with you and be applicable to real life. You might be lucky enough to stay in touch with a few friends, but that's about it. Not to worry, though; you are still changing every day, and there's not much need to stop and wait for everyone else to catch up with you. In other words, it's a normal variation. Had I known how few people from my school years would be bothered to keep in touch with me today -- I would have worried about things a whole lot less than I did. This does not mean school isn't important, because it is. The better your transcript looks, the better your life will be, so, go ahead and really do your very best with the 'book learning' -- but remember that Real Life is going to be your best teacher in the long run.

Never lie to yourself. When you are not honest with yourself on the inside, it affects everything else you do on the outside, and almost always in a bad way. Dealing with the dumb stuff that life deals you is one thing; lying to yourself in the process is quite another.

Never tell anybody how much you really know about any situation, unless you are in the process of giving a police report or being interviewed for a job. Playing things close to the vest has gotten me out of formidably bad situations on more than one occasion, and I only wish I'd figured this out sooner. Please let me make it clear that I believe this is not the same as lying. This is merely avoiding needless trouble. I daresay the two are drastically different.

Once you finally figure out who you are, do not ever let anybody bully you into being something you are not. In fact, very few people know who they really are; most of us will die without ever finding out. I hope you will find out as much about yourself as possible.

Never stop learning. At the time this was written, I was planning to go back to school as soon as I had the money to do so, and I was thirty-eight years old. No matter how much formal education you amass, there will always be something more to know, and something else to learn. When something interests you, go ahead and find out as much as you can about it. Whether it's taking a comparative religion class or reading a box of old Trivial Pursuit cards, try and learn something new every day.

Go look in the mirror. See her? That will always be your best friend, and never be your worst enemy.

As for your other friends, choose them wisely. They will be the people who will always tell you when a strap is showing, or help you find ways to feel better when you're feeling bad. Real friends will sometimes even tell you things that are hard to hear for your own good, so don't get too upset when that happens -- they are just trying to make sure you're not wandering down the wrong path, or hurting yourself for no reason. But most importantly, real friends will give you honest answers to questions you ask, so be very sure you want to hear the answers.

Finally -- and this will be true for your entire life -- No matter what happens, there will never be another man on the face of this earth, not even the one you will eventually make a life with, who loves you more devotedly and unconditionally than your father does. You'll occasionally be somebody's girlfriend, and maybe one day you'll even be somebody's wife -- but you will always be your father's daughter. He loves you with every ounce of his being. I hope you always remember that.

Thank you for reading this. I wish you peace, and I wish you knowledge of self, and I wish you kindness, and courage, and friendship, and love -- now and always.

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Update: The first of the paperwork regarding my grandmother's estate has finally showed up in the snailmail box.

I can honestly state that she has left my brother and me a literally life-changing amount of assets.

Six months from now, or whenever this is wrapped up, my life is indeed going to change. Wow.

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Today, sometime in the late afternoon, this diary will have received its 50,000th hit.

Thank you all for making this such a nice experience.

See you tomorrow.

And -- congratulations to the Florida Marlins. Josh Beckett rocks.

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