42 Things About Me

Tuesday, May. 11, 2004 - 7:20 a.m.

- I worry about the wrong things. Worrying is kind of dumb anyway.

- I have a terrycloth fetish. I figured this out after realizing a significant portion of my sexual fantasies involved such things as making love at a beach, or in a bathtub or by a swimming pool.

- I am obsessive compulsive about money. All of the bills have to be in order and facing the same direction. I don't do anything special with my coins, except that if I find a coin in my pocket or purse with the year of my birth, I do not spend it unless I have no choice.

- I take it very personally when you seek me out, ask my advice, and then do what is essentially the complete opposite of what you've been advised to do. Don't use the word 'advice' -- just use the word 'survey' so I'll know my thoughts aren't quite as crucial to you as you've led me to believe they are. I think extensively about any advice I have ever given to anybody, and it's really frustrating when you seek me out, ask me to cogitate because you feel you cannot do it alone, and then discard my work on your problems like it's never even happened.

- I hate it when people make fun of me, especially if it has anything to do with my outward appearance. I literally do not have the tools to cope with this. I wish I did.

- I love listening to people's voices, for reasons that will become apparent as you read the list.

- I am bisexual.

- I have lost forty pounds since choosing to go low-carb on February 16, 2004.

- I am extremely protective of my hair. Most of it fell out twenty years ago when I had to go on steroids to alleviate the symptoms of ulcerative colitis, and ever since it all grew back, I've been very cautious about who is allowed to touch it.

- I have an ileostomy. The ulcerative colitis symptoms were arrested for awhile, but came back after I was in a bad car accident, and an operation was needed to save my life.

- I had a poor self-image for years because of the next thing on the list.

- I have actually seen a potential lover retch when he looked at my body, with the abdominal scar and the ileostomy. I have since received and accepted an apology, and he's now one of my best friends.

- I have breasts that are two different sizes. My left one is bigger.

- I think a really good pee when you've needed to go really really badly is almost as good as an orgasm.

- I believe that all teachers are heroes.

- I wish I could have a pet. I wouldn't even mind a small one in a cage, such as a hamster, but our building does not allow pets of any kind.

- I have a younger brother.

- I play the piano.

- I love Diaryland.

- I edited a critically-acclaimed graphic novel in 1999. I'd like to do this again for somebody at some point.

- I wish I could read music better than I do.

- I am learning sign language in preparation for the second half of my life.

- I miss chocolate.

- I quit all of the over the counter sleep medications I had been taking for decades on January 1, 2004.

- I love talk radio.

- I love old television shows, especially The Dick Van Dyke Show.

- I cannot stand cigarette smoke. This isn't even an emotional issue, it's purely physical. My body shuts down if I get a lungful of smoke.

- I have dyslexia.

- I am quite possibly the only person you know who can get lost while walking in a straight line.

- I think people who choose to drive cars that get less than twenty miles a gallon and then turn around and disapprove of our involvement in the Middle East are completely out of touch.

- I still eat pizza, although I just peel the stuff off of the top of the crust and throw the crust away.

- I used to own a Shetland Sheepdog that was afraid of soap bubbles. Not the bathing kind, but the blown through the wand kind.

- I own over thirty bottles of nail polish.

- I write music. I first performed an original song in public when I was sixteen.

- I believe in same-sex marriage. Whatever two unrelated consenting adults choose to do with their lives is their business.

- I want to travel more than I have.

- I am losing my hearing. I will be deaf sometime within the next several years. No, there's nothing that can be done, no there's no cure, and no, I don't feel like answering those questions anymore. Please stop asking them. And for fuck's sake, thanks, but -please- stop saying you're sorry.

- I will stop speaking to any person in my life right now -- forever and ever, no do-overs, and no apologies will be accepted -- if they EVER make fun of my encroaching hearing impairment. I pride myself on not wasting time on people who are senselessly cruel to me.

- I love a good joke -- but I love a bad joke even better.

- I still enjoy cooking, even though I can no longer eat most of the stuff I know how to cook.

- I will always at least try to make people's pain go away.

- I believe that love is not an easy thing you feel, but a difficult thing you do.

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18 of my readers commented on this entry

random passer-by - 2004-05-11 11:05:17
i don't know how i came across this but it was lovely and i don't even know why for sure i wish you nothing but the best for the future
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KittenLil - 2004-05-11 12:14:26
Wow. That is an awesome entry. And it is kind of nice to get to know little things about a person like that. I might borrow your idea some day, if you dont mind.
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Brin - 2004-05-11 12:22:09
You and every other reader are always welcome to any ideas you see here.
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John - 2004-05-11 12:47:21
Another thing about you: you're one of the bravest people I know. Not a lot of folks can write about the highly personal things you do; least of all not on a daily basis! You Rock!
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Jamie - 2004-05-11 13:16:13
I might steal it too, if there's nothing to talk about tonight. :) I love ya, snookiecookiepookiewoo! ;) XOXOX ~ Jamie
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requiel - 2004-05-11 14:46:26
I am so glad I didn't miss this entry. You brought me to tears. I learned to sign years ago but I've lost so much. I've always thought it beautiful to watch people sign, it looks like an elegant dance, it's so intimate yet anyone who knows asl can watch and understand the conversation. I have a hard time not "listening in". You are so brave and amazing. I heart you!
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Laura - 2004-05-11 18:08:25
You hesitated to mention what a great and loving friend and person you are.That one word of support from you is worth more than million of petty ones from people who don't know you as well.I love you, my friend...Cuidate:)
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icefacade - 2004-05-11 19:11:10
I have the same obsessive-compulsive thing about money. Now take that and pretend that you were a delivery drive for four years, taking people's money and giving them change. Some people just do not understand.
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Cheri - 2004-05-12 13:24:37
A certain person's mother talked about peeing being as good as sex in a TH movie. *wink wink*
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Grace - 2004-05-12 16:12:22
Sorry if I sound ignorant, but may I ask what an ileostomy is? Also, if you dont mind me asking, what is ulcerative colitis? xo
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Brin - 2004-05-12 16:45:48
Ulcerative colitis is the condition of getting bleeding ulcers in your colon. Nobody knows what causes it. The only cure is to remove the colon, and that operation more often than not results in something called an ileostomy. The contents of the intestines are re-routed, into a small external pouch, instead of through the conventional exit. I wear a pouch and have done so since April 1, 1983. For more information, google the phrase 'United Ostomy Association' :-)
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hammie - 2004-05-24 00:44:18
Aha! Your own Answer to Life, the Universe, and Everything.
Nice job. Not everybody knows 42 things about her/himself.
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mataki - 2004-06-04 18:38:50
I just wanted to say that you sound like an extaordinary person (I hope that doesn't come across as fake, I truly believe you have much to offer the world) Thank you for this entry
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Cloudy - 2004-10-20 18:04:29
My mother was profoundly hard of hearing; she never let it keep her down in life. My father is a horrifyingly loud snorer, so they made a good match.
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Lambert - 2006-01-21 05:30:59
I too am very glad to have stumbled across this touching entry. It seemed like every clue to who you are made me think, made me wonder: I really love that I can always feel like I can relate to you in some weird sort of way. It really makes me feel like I'm touching humanity in some fundamental way that my mind just cannot comprehend, in some deep, abstract sort of way. I almost want to try to make a page like this.. it's a lot like staring at someone's soul, for me, that is. I know a woman who has a condition similar to yours, though I'm not entirely sure about all of the symptoms or the name, I just kept thinking about that woman I once knew. It's weird: I haven't thought about her in nearly a year. I know what it's like to feel self-conscious and to suffer from a poor-self image. I still suffer from panic attacks and breakdowns because I feel ugly and terrible. Being 'ugly', bisexual and depressive has alienated me from the bulk of the population of my country. I wish that this comment didn't feel so random, but it is: I've been reading your diary for months, and have only recently had the curiousity to click this particular link.
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Bedelia - 2006-04-11 00:48:09
Hi! I love your diary! I love the starfish. And I love this page. Thats all I've read. Bye! I'm off to read the rest.
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Andrea - 2005-08-24 00:20:49
I found your journal through a banner on diaryland because I loved your comment about "being a vegetarian who eats beef", and I'm glad I follwed the link. I got ulcerative colitis when I was 15, I'm 24 now and have had one really bad "flare" (I hate that word) since- it was the only time in my life I was in enough pain to think that I either wanted to get better or die. I'm glad I got better. I don't know why I just told you all that. Anyway, if it's okay with you, I'm going to put you on my dl friends list.
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Andy - 2008-03-24 15:50:25
I am really, really glad I finally thought to read this entry. You have such a strong sense of who you are, it is really impressive -- inspiring, in fact. I don't know why it is that I've been reading you for a couple months now, and I never thought to read this before. It has really helped. Thank you.
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Brin-Marie McLaughlin Brin-Marie Landerman Dust Bunny Chico
Brin Landerman Yuba City High School 1982
Steal my stuff and I'll squash you like a bug.