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Buick Ass Saturday, Jul. 15, 2006 - 2:36 a.m. Some weenie parked their car with its ass hanging over into our driveway. This car has been here before. A lot. Friday night, they set a record -- at least two feet: This habit is getting tiresome, as it means John has to maneuver for an extra five minutes, most of which is spent in pain as he cranes his neck to see whether he's going to collide with the interloper. This is something that John, a resident of this neighborhood for nearly twenty years, is not called upon to tolerate with such an unacceptably high frequency. I'm getting sick of this nonsense. Dear Parking-Challenged Buick Owner: Here is another picture I've taken of your car, with its ugly old ass interfering with our ability to park in our own damn driveway: The only reason we didn't call the police is because we were able to get into our garage despite your car's ass being in our way. In fact, here's a few things you need to come to grips with. The main thing you really need to parse is that your car is just too big to keep trying to park it where you keep parking it. No matter how many times you try, that schooner is NOT going to fit there. Please note that the license plate is obscured. This, again, is because I feel like cutting you a break. This is your one get out of jail free card. The next time I see you park so far into our driveway, I will repost the uncensored picture, and I'll also show it to the police as evidence of your shitful parking habits. Now, be a good citizen and STAY OUT OF OUR DRIVEWAY. --- I think that's it for now. I'm going to post this and go google for the list of Shakespearean insults I've heard is out there. Have a good Saturday. --- PS: Found a bunch mentioned in Word A Day:
"idol of idiot-worshipers", "crusty botch of nature," "highly fed and lowly taught," "roast-meat for worms," "fusty nut with no kernel." ---
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