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Mom

Crabby

Friday, Oct. 20, 2006 - 3:44 a.m.

In about three weeks, Crab Season begins here in Northern California.

If you don't mind getting a bit messy, you can go down to the waterfront here, and get an open-air lunch consisting of a cracked and cleaned Dungeness crab and a hunk of sourdough bread. Crab meat is around eight dollars US a pound this time of year.

Fair warning, though. You and your lovely messy lunchtime preparations will probably end up in somebody's home video, so be sure your hair is combed.

And of course, be sure and buy the "I caught crabs on Fisherman's Wharf" T shirt.

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This was cribbed from Jamie, over on MySpace:

YOUR MOST HATED...

CANDY: I hear tell there's actually musk-flavored Lifesavers available in Australia. Jeezly crow.

BEVERAGE: Plain tonic water. The fizzy stuff tastes salty to me.

COLOR: That awful smoke-stained brown that white walls eventually become.

TOWN/CITY: Probably somewhere small over in the central valley.

MOVIE: The Matrix.

ASPECT OF MYSPACE: The garish layouts that so many clueless people subject the world to.

ANIMAL: I'm getting pretty tired of SKUNKS using our back fence as a highway between Golden Gate Park and the Presidio.

INSECT: I avoid spiders, but actual hatred? Hm. Probably wasps.

BIRD: Pigeons and seagulls. Disease-ridden predatory flying rats.

SEASON: Winter because it's damp here.

AGE OF KIDS: Oh, I pretty much avoid everybody under the age of about ten.

WHAT ANNOYS YOU MORE THAN ANYTHING: When somebody deliberately makes fun of my hearing impairment. If you ever do that, you will never be off my shit list no matter how many times you say you're sorry. I might SAY you are, to shut you up... but trust me. You're not.

DRIVING: Get off the goddamn cell phone and concentrate on your driving.

TALKING ON THE PHONE: You're talking on the bus as if it's hailing outside, and it's not.

WATCHING TV OR MOVIES: If I'm at a movie, I better not hear a ringing cell phone.

EATING IN RESTAURANTS: Attention all running children: Watch out for my leg. Or my arm, gesturing to a server. You could get clotheslined. Heh heh heh

GOING THROUGH DRIVE-THRUS: This is what you do for a living. How on earth did you take my order incorrectly and forget my napkins?

YOU'RE AT THE MALL: Seeing the absolute messes that people leave the inventory during a sale.

SLEEPING: Don't wake me up with a deliberate loud noise or a deliberate on-off with the light. Ever.

SHOWERING: Hey! I need my damn water pressure!

YOU'RE AT THE BEACH: Big sand-covered dogs who decide I am their BEST FRIEND and want to climb me! Go AWAY, big sand-covered dogs!

YOU'RE AT THE GROCERY STORE: Did you not see the 10 ITEMS OR LESS CASH ONLY sign?

YOU'RE ON A DATE: Out of the loop for too long. Sorry.

COOKING OR BAKING: Having to soak the dishes. Don't mind DOING them, but would rather they be done, rather than soaking.

WHAT HOUSEHOLD CHORE DO YOU HATE THE MOST? Emptying the bathroom garbage cans.

WHAT WOULD BE THE ABSOLUTE WORST WAY TO DIE? Don't know. As Woody Allen said, I don't want to be there when it happens.

WHAT'S THE MOST ANNOYING HABIT IN OTHERS? Pretending nobody can see them when they're driving. Hey, over there in the next car! Whatcha doin, digging for gold?

WHAT IS YOUR WORST HABIT? I have several.

WHAT FASHION TREND(S) HAVE YOU HATED THE MOST? Crop tops combined with lo cut jeans. Hey, muffin belly! Pull your pants up! Mesopotamia is peeking out the top!

WORST THING ABOUT HIGH SCHOOL: I wish I had bloomed earlier.

MOST IRRITATING THING ABOUT YOUR CAR: That crap on the inside of the window that absolutely refuses to be washed off.

TO BE COMPLETELY STEREOTYPICAL, WHAT DO YOU THINK IS THE MOST ANNOYING THING ABOUT GIRLS? I don't trust too many at all. Maybe four in my entire life right now. Most women I have known are cruel and calculating and predatory and self-involved. Thank Deity Of Choice my close female friends are none of those things.

TO BE COMPLETELY STEREOTYPICAL, WHAT DO YOU THINK IS THE MOST ANNOYING THING ABOUT GUYS? The self-imposed martyrdom when they actually need your help to do something.

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