Cinco De Mayo 2007

Saturday, May. 05, 2007 - 1:05 a.m.

Ladies and gentlemen -- Our long national nightmare is over:

Celebrity heiress Paris Hilton has been jailed for 45 days after being found guilty of violating her probation for a DUI conviction.

A Los Angeles judge ruled she must start her sentence on June 5th, and has no prospect of an early release.

Ms Hilton told the judge she was very sorry and that she would "pay complete attention to everything" from now on and said she did not know her license had been suspended when caught driving without headlights in February.

According to papers filed in Los Angeles' Superior Court, Ms Hilton was stopped by California Highway Patrol officers on January 15th, and informed she was driving on a suspended licence. The 26-year-old then signed a document acknowledging she was not allowed to drive. On February 27th, she was stopped by Los Angeles County Sheriff's Department for speeding on Sunset Boulevard with her car's headlights off and charged with violating her probation.

Although Ms Hilton maintained she was not aware her licence had been suspended, court papers said the document she signed in January was found in her car's glove compartment. Her mother, Kathy, laughed when the demand for a custodial sentence was made during the prosecution's closing argument and asked Judge Michael Sauer for his autograph. The 26-year-old heiress wept when the ruling was announced, and her mother shouted at the prosecutor: "You're pathetic."

One of Ms Hilton's lawyers said the jail sentence was unfair. "To sentence Paris Hilton to 45 days in jail to me was uncalled for, inappropriate and bordered on the ludicrous. I think she was singled out because she's who she is," Howard Weitzman said.

If Ms Hilton does not report to jail on June 5th, she will face 90 days behind bars instead of 45 days.

Not sure how to take this one. I have to choose between laughing, or laughing a lot.

How does one person's skull hold such a huge amount of amnesia?

Maybe David Hasselhoff will come visit her in jail.

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I got a new MedicAlert bracelet. This one is raised stainless steel, and the previous one was slightly smaller with red enamel in the logo, the last piece of which finally chipped out of the logo.

The information hadn't been updated in the nineteen years since the acquisition of my last one.

All of the people on the other end of the contact numbers are dead now.

Mom and Dad, Gran, Uncle Joe. All gone far too soon.

It's been updated so that my contact numbers are John, and Old Buddy Dave.

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I'm still trying to figure out some logistics here: I got two tickets to see Keane at the Greek Theatre in LA on Friday, but that was based on the owner of Cero's giving the Bob Chance Band a thirty-day notice at the end of March.

In other words, I wouldn't have purchased them if I'd know for certain that the Bob Chance Band would still be working in the goddamned middle of MAY.

Ah well. This week, I plan to just heave a great big sigh and let life take me where it will. I usually end up better than before, or at least something interesting happens.

We shall see.

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Okay, that's it. Have a good Saturday.

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