Never Travel On A Monday

Tuesday, Aug. 14, 2007 - 12:04 a.m.

Note to self:

Never travel on a Monday. Never travel on a Monday. Never travel on a Monday.

Never travel on a Monday in the middle of August.

Never travel from Oakland to Duke on a Monday in the middle of August.

---

The fun began on Monday morning, when my slovenly and disorganized packing habits had us getting out of the house a half hour later than we wanted to.

When we got to the airport, there was construction to drive through.

John and I said our goodbyes, after he had delivered to me a significant dose of a lecture entitled The Same Thing Happens Every Time You Travel / You're Driving Me Crazy / It's High Time To Change The Way You Pack. Apologies were proffered on both sides and we were smiling as we waved buh bye and he drove off.

The line snaking out of the building could not possibly have been for me. Not for me. Not Southwest. They NEVER get backed up like this, do they? -- or DO they?

Then I remembered -- I usually travel on a Thursday, when the dominant sound in the terminal building is crickets chirping.

I don't remember how I ended up travelling on a Monday.

---

The flight was scheduled to leave at noon, and Southwest is one of the more rigid on-time carriers these days.

Ten thirty, I parked my arse in line, outside the terminal building.

By five of eleven, I was in the building itself, but then inside, there was the Snake Back And Forth Line which led to the self-checkin luggage area. A pair of men had been patiently watching me dither around and pull my debris at my worrisome-to-others pace, but they never said anything mean. Whenever we serpentined back and forth, there were smiles.

Luggage was checked by 11:20, but not before giving one of those two men a nasty flat tire by letting my wheeled carryon escape and bark him on the ankle. Immediately I offered restitution: "I'm so sorry! Shit! Hey, if you want, you can make it even by elbowing me in the ribs!" but he was gracious and declined. His travel partner started laughing and muttering the word 'ribs' under his breath whenever our paths crossed again. Which they did. "Ribs!" he shouted at me in the security line. "Raw Free-Range Ribs!" I shouted back. I'll probably never see them again, but that was sweet and slightly surreal.

I was through security by 11:30 for a noon flight. The terminal was up the stairs, to the left, and then al l l l l the way down, across a walkway that seemed six miles long, and finally completely on the other side of the world, there was my gate. Forty minutes after eleven. Twenty minutes to spare.

Naturally, today of all days, the plane pulled in late. We finally got on and I was seated next to a pair of people heading to Disneyland later that afternoon. The young lady had never been on the Tower Of Terror, and when I told her it was a drop ride and that she'd be really proud of herself if she went on it once, she looked at me askance. "Oh? Hm. What's it like?" and I told her the unvarnished truth, which is: It's the only time in my life I've ever been on an amusement park ride and genuinely thought I was gonna die. She then decided the ride was not for her, and the man she was traveling with turned to me with a half-smile and said "Thanks a lot." Yes, it's a scary ride, but I kept telling her to go ahead and do it once and not worry about doing it again. (thinking to myself, hey, hon, you're in a PLANE. Tower Of Terror ain't babyshit compared to the suspension of belief we have to tell ourselves to actually climb into a plane.)

We were airborne by twenty after twelve, and the pilot threw some extra coal on the fire, because I think we were only up in the wild brown yonder for about an hour and a fraction.

---

The landing was just fine, and they did manage to take my luggage off of the plane at Duke, where I'd disembarked, and not taken it on to Jacksonville.

Luggage claimed, a little Quiet Time out on the curb -- Dave driving up with a snack already in the car. John on phone being reassured that I'd made it.

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It's extry extry crispy hot this particular week down here in Anaheim. Dave admonished me for bringing the hot weather with me yet again.

But after surviving the first day, I'm prepared.

Have a good Tuesday!

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