Beltane 2008 & Sugar Babies

Thursday, May. 01, 2008 - 12:06 a.m.

Happy Beltane, and now begins the merry month of Maying.

It's off to a roaring start for me, anyway.

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The Landerman genetics came forward again.

Landerman is my maiden name.

Members of my family tend to have odd things happen to them. The universe either takes care of us or makes fun of us. It can't make up its mind.

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My little brother once had a drunk robin trying to pick a fight with its own reflection on his bedroom window.

The robin was drunk from eating fermented pyracantha berries. The bushes had turned into Pyracantha Cantina and the robins and more than a few bluejays had a really good time and crapped all over everything in site -- and for around ten days or so, woke my poor brother up every morning at around five am with the flurry and collisions against the glass.

Jon went to school and told his teacher why he was so tired. The Teacher actually made this a field trip, and marched all twenty some of his classmates down to stand in front of our house and look at the dumbass birds.

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Once, during one of my father's solo sojourns to Reno, he picked a middle of nowhere halfway between Reno and Yuba City coffee shop to stop and stretch, and have a cup. He goes in, sits down in a booth, and starts getting an earworm for this obscure folk song. There's only like, two other people in the whole place, including the cook, so Dad starts humming to himself.

The waitress, a big pretty youngish thing with mouth braces and a plaid flannel shirt and jeans, comes up with the coffee pot and says, "Hey, mister, whatcha singin?"

And Dad turns to her and says "Oh, I'm trying to remember the words to some old song nobody knows any more called 'The Frozen Logger'."

The waitress lit up like a beacon and said "Just a minute!" and disappeared into the back room and came out immediately with a note pad. "Let me write down the words for ya!" and plonked herself down into the booth across the table from Dad and wrote the words down. (Here they are, fwiw...)

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So last night, I got an odd one. The Universe made fun of me in a way I'm not going to forget for awhile.

About a week or so ago, John and I were sitting here in our chairs, watching a movie and all of a sudden, John wanted some Sugar Babies, in a box, like they have at the theatre.

I had no idea if those could even be purchased outside a theatre by civilians, but I took a look and found a source on Amazon, and ordered a box.

Wednesday, a package arrives from the Sugar Babies candy source. I don't touch it until John gets home.

John gets home. I tell him that the box is for him and to open it and enjoy!

He opens it. Guess what's in the box? -- a pair of TOY HANDCUFFS!

John looked down at the box and looked at me and down at the box again.

Sort of that weird fatal looking glance the coyote gets as he falls off the cliff holding the yipe! sign.

He takes a breath and says "Hon?.. Um. Something's really really REALLY wrong here!..." and shows me the contents of the box.

I am mortified and confused.

We dither around and find the packing list and begin to try to figure out what's happened. Somewhere out there, a girlfriend has ordered a pair of toy handcuffs to arrive at her boyfriend's house. The lucky son of .... I mean, the boyfriend has a last name spelled nearly identically to mine.

The mailing label addressed to ME was placed on the box containing HIS handcuffs.

I wrote an email to the candy company, and am now waiting for a response -- but I can't help wondering if that poor dude ended up with a horny email from his girlfriend asking if a package arrived today, and whether or not he's going to thank her for the lovely box of Sugar Babies.

Hopefully this will straighten itself out.

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So there you go. Have a lovely Thursday, and if you observe it, a blessed Beltane.

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