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Chemical Composition

Thursday, Oct. 09, 2008 - 12:10 a.m.

I was looking through my mother's very very very old cake decorating supplies awhile back, and among the thirty-tip frosting kit and the little tiny plastic flowers and ribbons, I found a bottle of dragees. (pronunced 'draw ZHAYS')

Those are those little silver-coated sugar balls used for decorating.

At least they are every other fucking place in the WORLD because they are no longer sold in CALIFORNIA.

Whiskey Tango Foxtrot?

Hey, folks who outlawed those? .. get a life.

---

You know what else has become increasingly difficult to walk into a drug store and find?

Nail polish remover with actual acetone in it.

I admit it; I am a complete nail polish fanatic. I think I own around fifty bottles of the stuff, and twice a year, one of my great joys is to sit on the bathroom floor and count them and shake them.

Most of my polishing experiments take place on my toes so I can cover them up with shoes if they look odd, but once in awhile I'll test a bunch of oldies to see if they still work, on my fingertips. This is one of those once in awhiles.

So I'm looking around and I discovered that the last bottle of polish remover to make it into the house was non-acetone, and that it's nearly impossible to remove some of the older and darker polishes from my fingernails.

I finally ordered some actual nail polish remover with acetone from mail-order, and they have to ship it by ground, which means if I'm lucky, I'll get the bottle sometime between Halloween and Thanksgiving. In the meantime, I have some genuine toxic nasty acetone-filled polish remover pads.

And have you seen the disclaimers now on what I have come to call 'the hard stuff'..?

Do not use acetone nail polish remover near open flame. Do not allow to remain on exposed skin. Do not use if pregnant. Do not use if driving a foreign automobile, as gasoline explosions may occur. Do not sue acetone nail polish remover manufacturer for hair loss. Do not look at the bottle. Do not ignore the skeletons on the label. Do not tease the acetone nail polish remover lest it throws itself at you in a moment of emotion.

Etc etc. Okay, not quite that grandiose, but I feel like I'm being treated like an idiot for even having purchased this stuff.

---

In other news, there is evidence of chemical misuse by the writing staff of South Park; another interesting season opener.

I am not one to divulge plot points, but I can tell you that Butters seems to have spent a great deal of time dressed as Morocco Mole.

But that seems weird, even for South Park.

Then again, the entire episode was slightly surreal to me; obviously an aftereffect of my own former chemical abuse.

That's right, dear readers -- I only abuse former chemicals.

---

There ya go. Have a good Thursday.

---

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