Not Gloves

Monday, Dec. 21, 2009 - 12:08 a.m.

Friday afternoon, a big soft priority mail envelope arrives here. I had ordered some nice spiffy heavy duty dishwashing gloves from Amazon a while back, so I was certain this was them. I had John open the envelope. As he did so, he said "I'll use these when I do the dishes tonight!"

Then he looked inside, and his face fell down.

He took a breath and said, loudly: "One Micro Bullet Vibrator... and one set of Free With Purchase Jelly Anal Beads."

My face felt hot and suddenly covered with flop sweat. "Oh. Well, you don't have to use those while you do the dishes if you don't want to," I said. "Wait, the anal beads are jelly instead of hard plastic? I might actually be able to tolerate those!"

John looked at the package and said "No, I don't think girls are supposed to use this. There's a naked man with his butt sticking up on the package. It's for GUYS."

And I said "All right, FINE, I get the hint, you can HAVE them."

John rolled his eyes and said "That. Was. The. Wrong. Answer."

I took the beads out of the package to get a closer look, and then I held them up. "No, hey, look, John, see? You can use these to do five Hail Marys!"

And because mortification somehow is a little easier to bear when it's disbursed over as wide an area as possible, here I am telling you what happened.

The new house rule here is that whoever the package is addressed to is who opens it.

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Saturday, John and I went to the Denny's in Serramonte, and managed to see and visit with and get served by none other than Caryn The World's Greatest Waitress!

It was SO nice to see her again. She's been on the news this week because she lives in Pacifica and the cranes are all over her neighborhood, so she's been out in her robe and bunny shoes talking to the news people and having fun.

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Now, yesterday, Sunday, I went to work with Alan in Vacaville by way of Vallejo for the last time in 2009.

We got some work done that we'd been itching to complete before the end of the year.

The daughters were lovely and lively, and Alan's wife Dee was gracious and kind as always. I really like it there, even when we're doing stuff other than producing music.

It was an excellent and very productive day, and we're happy with the work that got finished.

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See, nothing happened.

Glad I'm taking weekends off now.

Have a good Monday.

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