Fallout

Thursday, Jun. 09, 2011 - 10:22 p.m.

I had my final falling out with Dan Weissman.

He is a self-proclaimed and self-labeled white supremacist who has stated to me in casual conversation, when I mentioned President Barack Obama, said he "Never thought [he'd] live to see the day there'd be a nest of niggers in the White House!" and refers to the President of The United States as "Boy".

Dan also told me once that he was proud to be white, because white people invented everything that made the world modern.

Me: "Like math and the wheel?"
Him: "No, I'm talking about IMPORTANT things."

You get the idea.

Dan is German with some Russian, and he takes great pride in his heritage, and he also has stated to me that he is very proud to be an American.

A few weeks ago, he forwarded me that email that occasionally makes the rounds, wherein it's reported that the Spanish city of Seville had authorized the building of a dedicated structure to use as a mosque, and that the citizens who didn't want it done had gone onto the property and buried a pig there and publicized it, thereby making the land unclean, and forcing the construction of the mosque to be cancelled.

The text of the email:

...

"The Spaniards' Brilliant Idea.

In Seville Spain , local people found a way to stop the construction of another mosque in their town. They buried a pig on the site and made sure this was known by the local press. Islamic rules forbid the erection of a Mosque on "pig soiled ground." The Muslims had to cancel the project. No protests were needed by the local people. This worked instead.

Plant a pig. In Texas , they have an over abundance of feral pigs. They could send them all over the country and just plant them everywhere. Americans, put on your thinking caps and let's find a solution to this problem of a spreading menace to the American way of life. If pigs are the answer, let's do it.

Your Committee for the Betterment of America ."

...

Well. if you'll excuse the expression, the fat was in the fire now.

I *had* to write back to Dan.

"So tell me, Dan. Which religions should be allowed here in the USA? --Brin"

Dan wrote back. His answer appears here as he wrote it:

"One s that dont' kill M Y F A M I L Y, I lost a cousin on 911, she was 22, Brin"

I responded:

"Your cousin wouldn't have wanted to live in a country where some religions were allowed and others are not. Shame on you for using her memory as an excuse to hurt others."

And I followed it up with a longer letter:

"Just to make a couple of more things clear, my old friend.

Dan, how much of the K0r@n have you read? Have you read any of it? I mean gotten hold of one of the really good English translations and actually looked at it cover to cover?

I've done that. It was required when I took a comparative religions class out at Yuba College.

In case a highly schooled citizen like yourself doesn't know this, the terrorists who kill people are NOT Muslim just because their leader reads the K0r@n. They may use familiar religious texts, but they are not the same as mainstream religions, because they break the law or use religion as an excuse to intimidate and kill.

Which by default means one thing. This is NOT religion.

What the terrorists believe is that there are omans, or high officials, to listen to and follow orders from. Their leaders happen to be bugfuck crazy, and have asked for and financed acts of terrorism. According to THEIR misuse of the K0r@n, they believe that people who die for their cause are automatically sent to heaven, without being made to answer to God. The specific crazies mentioned here have also stated that all people who die for the cause are also 'clean', metaphorically and literally, thus meaning that a believer's body is not required to be bathed as required in the K0r@n, nor is it soiled by anything that they do on earth, be it drink alcohol, pay for strippers (like the 9/11 terrorists did) or come into contact with pork / pigs.

In other words -- if you are thinking that trespassing on somebody else's real estate and planting a pig corpse is going to stop the terrorists, you are one hundred percent incorrect.

Oh and if you are still angry at me for what I said about your cousin, then why don't you do a little survey. Call all of your relatives and ask them specifically how they want her memory to be honored. Do her survivors want you to become more educated about the reasons people do stupid stuff like kill in the name of religion? Or do they want you to keep hating?

It's all up to you. You are online, which means you can look through the Internet. This is like having the entire Library of Alexandria right there in the room with you.

If you are going to take a stand, for heaven's sake, be educated about it.

Or you'll hear from me like you just did."

---

Let me elaborate on what I've seen and experienced through three decades of knowing Dan Weissman.

I have known him for more than thirty years, and I have personally never seen him refer to an African American with anything other than the term "nigger". I have also personally seen him change restaurant tables because an African American would have otherwise been his server. I have seen him pass an African American on the street, then mouth the word 'nigger' and pretend to spit on the sidewalk, because he knew that sort of behavior irritated me. He used to drive around with a dagger in his car that he referred to as his 'nigger sticker', in case he needed to defend himself.

And the crowning touch was that he honestly and truly thought the words to the first verse of the AC DC song Highway To Hell were:

Living easy, living free
See a nigger on a one-way ride
Ask him nothing, leave him be
Taking everything in my stride...

He used to muse to me how interesting it was that the radio would allow something so explicit to be played, and he was proud of the radio stations that were brave enough to play this particular song even though it had the word 'nigger' in it. The song's actual lyrics in the first part of the first verse were:

Living easy, living free
Season ticket on a one-way ride
Asking nothing, leave me be
Taking everything in my stride.

At the time Dan was assuring me that those were indeed the words, there was no internet, and I was too innocent and frugal to have actually purchased that album, unwrapped it, and inspected the lyrics myself. Besides, my parents wouldn't have allowed me to own a record album with the word "Hell" in the title.

I never did find out if he ever took the time to educate himself about that song.

But this was the sort of thing he really thought was going on around him. To Dan, those "goddamn niggers" were hiding around every corner and under every rock, just waiting for the opportunity to give him grief. I have no idea where or how or why he developed this attitude, but it's something I will never understand. (I had the honor of meeting each of his parents, and I never received the impression from either of them that this is how they would have raised their son.)

The problem is, since his brain injury, he's had severe memory loss, and he doesn't remember most of what I've just told you. He doesn't remember the fact that I saw him behave this way. Both of his parents are gone now, and I don't know whether his other family members are still in his life or not -- it's entirely possible that I'm the only person around who genuinely remembers what Dan Weissman was really like.

So basically -- it's my word versus his, and I realize that's a hopeless place for me to be.

I remember the utter hatred that ran through the very marrow of his bones and made him into so much less than a man than he could have been, and the level of distrust and unkindness he always displayed, even to people who smiled at him and never did a wrong thing a day in their lives. He just treated them that way because they were black. He's switched his hatred to Muslims now, but the song remains the same. He just doesn't want Islam to exist in the United States of America, period.

Currently, he's on strong medication for pain, including medical marijuana. I happen to have direct and tragic experience as to what happens to a person's mind when they're on bad meds for too long. My father-in-law hanged himself last August because he'd been taking painkillers for so long they had killed the pleasure and memory centers in his mind.

I've got his sad feeling that Dan is headed down that path.

Somebody somewhere made Dan think it was shameful to have mistakes corrected or something. We used to be able to disagree and banter and were none the worse for wear when we were finished having a discussion.

But something is very wrong with Dan now.

Knowing Dan would have a problem if I spoke down to him, I tried a different tactic.

I decided to see what would happen if I spoke to him ONCE the way he'd been speaking to me for thirty years.

Here's what I emailed him:

(Oh, and forgive the racist invective I have been using here; and if anybody's about to flap at me about racist language, kindly save it for the naughty men who drive planes into buildings.)

---

Hiya!

I got back from Australia all right!

I didn't bring you any shot glasses because the only ones that were really and truly beautiful were the ones that the aboriginals decorated, and knowing you as well as I do, I knew you weren't the type of person that wanted anything in any of your collections that had been created by niggers. :-)

Take care!

xoxo

---
Here is how Dan Weissman responded to me. My editorial comments are in brackets.
---

I am going to tell YOU STRAIGHT-UP IN YOUR FACE , I don't know who the HELL you are talking to , BUT I have had all of your SHIT I WANT!!! And don't E V E R Threaten ME AGAIN !!! IF this is your friendship toward me, I DON'T LIKE IT AT ALL. DON'T say YOU know ME, YOU have N O Idea of who I am!!!!!!!!!!!!

[ Well, yes, yes I *do* know. Sigh. ]

WE have been in touch over time, 30+ yrs, BUT you don't know anything about who I am. Who MADE YOU JUDGE?!?

In the last 2 times we saw each other, I found that you have become a Judgmental, Self Centered , R U D E , SNOT, AS always " look how special BRIN is !" I have the RIGHT to say that, I ve known you THAT long!

[ Dan never did explain why he felt that way. In the two years since the last time we saw each other, we've exchanged email and phone calls, and he never brought up the fact that he had a problem with me, so I have had absolutely no insight, or opportunity from him to right anything he thought was wrong. He just let things fester. ]

This has been the Hardest letters I have ever sent, I am GREATLY hurt by your NO FACTS TO BACK IT UP opinion of me. You NEVER asked about who I know, MY past, who I known
, You just decided to SHOOT YOUR MOUTH OFF to Me. NEWS FLASH 4 YOUR ASS !!! I DON'T LIKE IT!!!!!!!

DON'T EVER talk about OR FOR MY family AGAIN !

I AM NOT ASKING, I AM TELING YOU!!!!!!!

IF this is all you are all about, I DON'T WANT YOUR " F R E N D S H I P!

P . S. I AM SOOO HAPPY WE GOT THAT "KILLER" Bin laden

I LOVE AMERICA , I don't want this V I O L E N T A C T I N G Religion HERE! I HAVE NEVER SEEN peace from THIS so called Peace luvin PEOPLE is DEATH & DESTRUCTION. People came to AMERICA to LEAVE that SHIT in the OLD country! like PARTS of my family did.

I will do what I can for America, TO PROTECT it, Form ALL INVADERS ! .

I MEAN what I SAID.

---
My response:
---

Dan --

The reason I used the tone that I used with you in my earlier email of today is as follows: When I saw you in November of year before last, you specifically said that you never thought you'd live to see the day that a nest of niggers would take up residence in the White House, and that you wanted to give "that boy", namely our President, a "tire necklace."

In other words, you -- a person who claims to love America -- made casual conversation about wanting to kill our president.

But wait, you just said "I will do what I can for America to protect it from all invaders"

Does this mean you have changed your mind about what you want to do to Barack Obama?

You haven't kept me up to date.

When I told John what you had said about the tire necklace, his advice to me was to quit talking to you once and for all, to report you to the FBI, and to agree to testify against you in Federal court.

But I said I wouldn't do that, because I figured you wouldn't be stupid enough to express those feelings to me again, in any form. I figure everybody deserves one freebie.

By the way, while I have your attention -- show me where I threatened you, please.

Where did I threaten you? Show me the exact thing, or be decent enough to take it back.

People only feel threatened when their own guilt is too much to handle, Then it comes out in the form of paranoia, defensiveness, hate of authority figures, and perceived threats where none actually exist.

I am really really worried about you, because you didn't use to behave this way. I don't want to end this friendship, but if you still do, at least ask yourself this: Who do you trust to call you on your shit? You used to trust me to do that. If it's not me anymore, then it has to be *somebody*, because if you are not willing to get a reality check from anybody, that's worrisome.

Ball's in your court. The friendship continues, but only if we deal with one another as we really are.

Best

Brin

---
Despite my willingness to salvage the friendship, here was his response:
---

YOU can try to twist the words I have said.

[ I haven't twisted anything. Here they all are, I promise! ]

I m Teling you, S T O P!

I got your Letters or e-mails also.

What the hell is a "TIRE NECKLACE" ? I know I havent heard that term before, Let alone used it in a sentence.

[ I can't prove it was stated to me, this is true. Ya got me there.]

I didn't vote for obama, or Anyone else in the last Election . They didn't have Anyone I liked or wanted to lead this country. I NEVER Said : I Want to harm Anyone ! I dont want him leading America, I think obama is the worst thing to hit this country.!

[ There are anywhere from five to eight hundred people who run for president every time there is an election. Surely there's somebody out there who espouses the belief of every qualified voter somewhere... ]

As far as you calling the F. B. I. on me THAT is a THREAT . My right to Free Speech & thought is JUST as good as anyone else s That ROAD runs BOTH ways. Burden of proof is on you . Some fucking friend you are!

[ I wonder if Dan thinks Muslims born in the USA also have free speech rights? ]

Don't bother to E V E R contact ME again. I have Had all the SHIT from YOU I WANT! I will remove you from all contacts, Never saw this coming from you & DON'T want TO KNOW YOU ANY LONGER!

You Know how I have always Loved &cared about you , But this Shit has put an END to THAT.

This is my LAST Contact with you, 30+ yrs , DON'T MEAN S H I T !

---

So, there you have it. I caused the friendship to end by speaking to Dan using the same tone that he has been using with me for more than thirty years.

Dan's done with me. He said so himself.

Yup. He's going to leave me alone forever. He promised!!

I'm sure more than a few of you out there are scratching your heads and wondering what the heck I was doing hanging around with this ridiculous dude in the first place.

Very simple. We met when I was trapped in my teenage years and too lonely to really understand how a boy really should have been behaving with a girl if he respected her. Respect wasn't on my list of requirements for a relationship for years to come, though. But Dan had a car and a penis, and that's not a combination I thought would ever come around again for the likes of me when I was that age and compulsively worried about my friends and my looks.

It does stand to reason, though: If I am not in his life, he won't be reminded of what a hateful person he has spent his life being. He wants me gone because I am making him remember things about himself that he doesn't want to deal with.

I wonder if he remembers when he made fun of my braces or used to try and turn my fingernails backward if he thought they were too long? Even today, I still wear my nails short because if I see them longer than an eighth of an inch, I literally panic and get short of breath because of the pain Dan put me through.

Again, looking back, I was just a foolish girl; not aware that it was okay to have set my standards higher.

But I do now, and that's why I've been excused from Dan's life.

---

So that's what went down this week.

Ah, well. This is probably for the best.

And if you are wondering whether or not I think Dan is any danger to anybody? No, of course not. He's one of these guys who flies his flag upside down, will get beligerent in the confines of his own home behind his locked front door, but will deny everything he says there, and never raise his voice to an authority figure if the authority figure has his undivided attention.

He's harmless to everybody except himself.

---

I promise to write about something less intense next time.

See you then.

---

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