What Really Happened

Wednesday, May. 22, 2013 - 8:11 p.m.

So I get a call from my HMO reminding me that it's time for a mammogram.

Me: Okay, I'll be available on such and such a date since I'm going to be there to see my GP anyway.

HMO: Sorry, but we don't have anything available on that day.

Me: Okay, I'll be in again in about six weeks to see my cardiologist. Let's schedule me for then.

HMO: I'm sorry but the scheduling doesn't go ahead that far. (Me, silently to myself: That's funny, it did for the cardiologist's scheduling...)

Me: Those are when I'm available.

HMO: Tell you what -- when you come in, check for a cancellation and hopefully they'll be able to fit you in.

Me: Right. Okay.

HMO: You have a good day.

CLICK

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So what REALLY happened in the aforementioned was the following:

HMO: I am placing a telephone call in order to reach a particular patient. Once I've reached that patient and dispensed the information about needing a mammogram, the liability is transferred and I couldn't give two farts in a martini whether that patient actually makes it in through the facility doors and receives that examination.

Having coexisted for so many years with somebody who works in the insurance industry does have its advantages.

Not only can I read between the lines, I can listen between the lines, too.

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I actually saw somebody on Twitter use the term "wah lah".

There's no such word as "wah lah". It's "voila" (vwa LAH), it's essentially a loanword from French, and it's a contraction of 'vois la' which literally means 'see there'. It's used to call attention to something that happens as if by magic. If you want to get technical, there's a grave accent mark over the A, but if you are writing in English, it's not required. If you see anybody using wah lah or wallah or walla when they mean voila, feel free to think they are under-educated.

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And finally, here's something I posted to Twitter and to Facebook:

Attention all media people: If you went to Oklahoma and stuck a camera in a child's face to obtain disaster porn -- then you're an asshole.

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All right, that's it. See you next time.

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