Astro Turkey!

Wednesday, Nov. 26, 2003 - 8:12 a.m.

Well, the Astro Jax arrived yesterday afternoon. I spent the better part of an evening monkeying with them and they're extremely addictive.

I managed to smack myself in the mouth with them only twice -- and then they collided with the pullout tray that the keyboard sits in. It's made of cheap foreign plastic and sounded like a car accident.

John finally held his hands up and said keep those things away from him, please.

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This thing has been making the rounds, so I thought I'd share. :)...

Black November

When I was a young turkey, new to the coop,
My big brother Fred took me out on the stoop
Then he sat me down, and he spoke real slow
And he told me there was something that I had to know.
His look and his tone I will always remember
When he told me of the horrors of ...Black November.

"Come about August, now listen to me
Each day you'll get six meals instead of just three
"And soon you'll be thick, where once you were thin,
and you'll grow a big rubbery thing under your chin;
"And then one morning, when you're warm in your bed,
In'll burst the farmer's wife, and hack off your head;

"Then she'll pluck out all your feathers so you're bald 'n pink,
And scoop out all your insides and leave ya lyin' in the sink;
"And then comes the worst part" he said not bluffing,
"She'll spread your cheeks and pack your rear end with stuffing!"
Well, the rest of his words were too grim to repeat,
and I sat on the stoop like a winged piece of meat.

I decided on the spot that to avoid being cooked,
I'd have to lay low and remain overlooked;
I began a new diet of nuts and granola,
High-roughage salads, juice and diet cola;
And as they ate pastries, chocolates and crepes,
I stayed in my room doing Jane Fonda tapes;

I maintained my weight of two pounds and a half,
And chose to ignore when the bigger birds laughed;
But 'twas I who was laughing, under my breath,
As they chomped and they chewed, ever closer to death;
And sure enough when Black November rolled around,
I was the last turkey left in the entire compound;

So now I'm a pet in the farmer's wife's lap;
I haven't a worry, so I eat and I nap;
She held me today, while sewing and humming,
And smiled at me and said "Christmas is coming..."

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The bird is in the refrigerator as opposed to the freezer; it's thawing slowly and safely, and I can't wait to begin cooking it. :)

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I can't believe how sore my arms are today. Sorry such a short post; I'm gonna blame it on the Astro Jax.

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What plans do you guys have for tomorrow? Go ahead and sign the comments.

May tomorrow be a day of peace and strength and gratitude for us all.

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