Grim Grinning Me

Friday, Aug. 17, 2007 - 2:11 a.m.

Old Buddy Dave and I went to Disneyland last night.

The first ride we went on after the fireworks were over was Buzz Lightyear's Astro Blasters. The wait was twenty minutes.

Everybody ELSE played fair... But THESE DOODIE HEADS CUT IN LINE! ! ! ! ! WITHOUT WAITING! ! !

Not even a SORRY or a THANKS or ANYTHING.

So, if you are ever in line with these people, and you are ahead of them?

Watch out -- For they are Doodie Heads!

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Then we went on Pirates of the Carribean, which was nice because nobody ruined the ride with flash pictures.

After that, we traipsed over to The Haunted Mansion, where Dave did something so funny, I laughed until I wet myself a little.

For those who have never been in The Haunted Mansion ride, it consists of a room of illusion, followed by a trip through a winding corridor and finally a descent into the world of ghosts and goblins in a round, half enclosed 'omnimover' called a 'Doom Buggy'. They look like the same kind of cars that are found on a Tilt A Whirl.

During our stint in the room and through the corridor, there was a group of jumpy, bratty, NOISY children. Maybe the oldest was fifteen.

These charming children screamed at everything. Every ghost, every twist and turn on the ride -- everything.

They thought they were funny. The rest of us wanted to stuff napkins in their mouths.

It got past the point of getting on our nerves, and finally, when we got into the Doom Buggies, Old Buddy Dave had enough. Above the din of the screaming teens, he sighed and said "Some people just HAVE to ruin it for others."

Then he glanced around and made a fist, with a bulging muscle in his arm -- and when the back of the teen's Doom Buggy was facing the open front end of ours...

Dave leaned forward and went

KNOCKNOCKNOCK!

They stopped COLD. And mercifully, they STAYED stopped until the ride was over. There were a couple of occasions when they had a chance to see into the adjacent car to see Who The Fuck Did That, but Dave just looked back, smiled, and gave them a long, slow blink.

I'm still laughing.

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And finally, my Friday Five was chosen!

Who was your favorite teacher?

Jay Norton

Why was that teacher so special?

Because he taught me real world solutions, like how to listen to a news story and find the bullshit trapped within.

Do you think teachers get paid enough?

HELL no.

Do you have a favorite year of school?

I feel like a goob for choosing a stock answer here, but honestly, my senior year of high school ROCKED.

If you could travel back in time and tell yourself something now that would have helped you get through school, what would you say?

1. Don't sweat the small stuff. 2. Only about ten percent of the people you meet in school are going to be worth your trouble. 3. If anybody of the opposite sex makes you cry between the ages of eleven and seventeen, kick them hard where it counts so they will never forget you.

All rightums, kids. Have a wonderful Friday!

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