State of Independence

Saturday, Jul. 05, 2003 - 10:24 a.m.

Last night, I had the Yahoo Messenger webcam up and running, and who should I run into but none other than Todd Thalimer. After nearly a decade of online correspondence, we finally got to visit one another in real time, even if there was no audio, and even though I'm still on a land line. We showed one another our spouses, and our Yamaha keyboards. It was magnificent to see him! He said something ominously delightful, though. 'Sorry if it's a boring view for you tonight; my box of props isn't unpacked yet'... :) He and I had both decided to shelter in place for the Fourth; his wife Heidi had gone to a Thing With The Relatives, so Todd stayed home and puttered. He happened to be on a break when I logged on, and we wheedled away the better part of 90 minutes in a lovely visit.

Then I saw Fake Andy, aka the Ringer Dinger, log on. As he did so, I had a Wonderful Awful Idea.

When he logged in to Yahoo and requested to see me?... I let him.

And I LOOKED at him the way I have wanted to LOOK at him ever since the end of February when I confirmed that he had been lying to me. I've actually been practicing this LOOK in the mirror.

I decided that it was time for him to take on the burden of actually seeing the real life non-posed, non-photographed, sentient face of somebody on the other end of his lies.

Todd was also still tuned in; I IMed him and filled him in so he knew that LOOK was not directed at him. He thanked me for telling him, and looked at how I was staring at Fake Andy, and IMed me back and said encouraging things along the lines of 'Thank goodness you're not mad at ME!'...

Then I had another Wonderful Awful Idea.

I called John over to the webcam and told him who was tuned in.

It turned out that John had a LOOK ready and waiting, too.

Then after about two minutes, I said to Fake Andy, 'okay, you've seen enough.' and I blocked him.

He sent a couple of annoying IMs, which I ignored, requested to see me again, which I denied, and then, having a whole new set of input to deal with, namely seeing me as a person and not just a picture... he submitted to his cowardice, and blocked me from seeing him.

---

Now, most of my regular readers know the story. If you don't, then read the First Entry up at the top left. I got involved with an extremely troubled person who in all probability doesn't care at all about how I looked at him last night. But the good news is... I no longer care. I guess I really didn't know it once and for all until last night.

The best part is... he got to look into my eyes and see them say this: I own you. I have the power, not you. You can't hurt me anymore, no matter what you do.

---

The moral of the story is -- Independence takes many forms. :)

---

Update on my entry of the 4th -- The fireworks were held at Ellis Lake this year instead of at Riverfront Park. I'm sure you'll all be sleeping more soundly knowing that.

---

what you missed - what's next - leave a note
first post - cast page - diaryrings - top ten

THE LEGAL STUFF: All content on this site that was created by me is copyright 2003-infinity by Brin Marie McLaughlin. Steal my stuff and I'll squash you like a bug. All incoming email or any other form of communication with me is subject to publication or other distribution by me in whole or in part at my sole discretion. This diary features the sole opinions and experiences of one person, namely me, the person who is paying for this space. In the interest of safety and accountability, no anonymous input will ever be allowed here, ever, for any reason in the entire history of ever. Whenever there is a comments section appearing in this diary, it's to be considered part of my paid presence on the web, and shall be used by my readership to supplement the things I have written here with relevant information in a polite manner. Comments that do not fall in that category are subject to deletion at my whim. Your visit to my diary along with your use of my comments section constitutes the understanding of this statement. Anything else on these pages including any comments belongs to whoever created it. All external links are current as of the date of the entry in which they are first featured, but at no other time. News excerpts used here are for educational purposes and are permitted under the Fair Use Doctrine. Hold hands when you cross the street, and play nice.