Facetious & Proud Of It

Wednesday, Aug. 27, 2003 - 12:03 a.m.

A couple of days ago, Paul told me I was 'facetious'. Which is fine by me, because in this day and age, not enough of us are. I'll wear that adjective with honor.

But then I had to go and be a smarty pants and a showoff. Why?... Explanation to follow.

My mouth opened, and I actually heard myself say the following words: "Did you know that the word 'facetious' has all of the vowels in the alphabet in the correct order?"

Paul paused. For a very long time. "What?" he finally asked.

I repeated the question, apparently to a less-than-appreciative audience of one.

"Why is your head so -full- of this stuff?" Paul asked.

And the nearest answer I can come up with is that there is a certain type of person out here in this strange world; we -like- to learn weird stuff and what's more, we like to retain it.

We are Fact Packrats.

We always beat everybody at Trivial Pursuit -- usually because we sat up several evenings in a row when we first got the game and actually read all of the cards. We kick all of your asses in Scrabble. We win nearly every bar bet we undertake. We know what Sam the butcher's last name was on the Brady Bunch. We know how many tribbles got into the grain bin.

And we're damned proud of this.

In a few days, I'm going to have my revised travel plans to Utah all finalized; I plan to call Paul with this information, and when I do, I'm going to hear him do what he usually does whenever I besiege him with a complicated maelstrom of numbers and names and whatnot.

He'll say "Wait a minute, let me get a pencil."

And I'm going to say "Did you know that the lead in a pencil isn't actually lead? It's a combination of Madagascar clay and graphite."

Thanks for asking me to visit, Paul. I'm looking forward to meeting you.

John says you're not allowed to send me home early. :)

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