When The River Meets The Sea

Thursday, Oct. 02, 2003 - 12:27 a.m.

UPDATE UPDATE UPDATE

Updated at 5:00 pm PDT, folks, it's at the bottom again

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So I called my brother Wednesday night at dinner time. Gran is resting as comfortably as possible. Her respiration is diminishing, and she is less and less lucid, and she's basically going to be leaving any moment now. Jon said that if I wanted happy memories of her for me to please -not- come see her off.

I asked if that was okay with him, and he said he preferred it that way for my sake.

My brother is shouldering something that no man ever should for me. I love you, Jon.

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After I finished talking with my brother, I logged on to AIM. I had a very nice conversation with Scott Hysmith, and ironically enough, across our time zones, it turned out that I was also the -last- person to wish him Happy Birthday on the actual day. He'd lost grandparents, and gave me encouragement along the lines of being sure to mourn in my own way.

I think I knew this, but to have a good friend put voice to it was special.

Then way later, around eleven my time, I IMed with P@ul Schu!tz. I had emailed him earlier about Gran. He said he liked the photo album that I sent him of my visit. One of the things I enclosed was the words to the Cure song 'Lovesong', because it was the song that was playing on the radio when he was driving me to the bus station to go home. Paul darn well knows this, so I asked him if he'd found the song lyrics I'd placed in the back of the photo album, and he wrote "Yeah! What was that song again? 'Grandma Got Run Over By A Reindeer'?"...

Now think carefully about this, people.

Of -all- the songs in the universe, THIS friend -- whom I hold in such high esteem that I went sixteen hundred miles round trip on a Greyhound bus to meet -- THIS friend mentions to me the -only song in existence- that happens to be about a DEAD GRANDMOTHER.

I pointed this out to him and naturally he fell all over himself. "OH SHIT! OH SHIT!!" he IMed. "THAT WAS A FAUX PAS!!!"

Poor Paul. I knew he would have -never- done that on purpose. He's too good a guy.

But somehow, coming from Paul, knowing the kind of person he is makes it less of an issue. I think everything happens for a reason. If I cannot take a deep breath and keep laughing and get it through my head that life will go on, then something is wrong somewhere. P@ul Schu!tz has taken it upon himself to make sure I've done that ever since February.

So when he mentioned that song, and I pointed it out to him, and he reacted the way he did? ... I laughed my ass off, and believe me, that's still a BIG job.

Everybody is invited to keep their comments about my ass to themselves, thank you.

Anyway, -then- I checked my email. And I found this waiting for me from Scott Hysmith, and when I read what was there, I laughed until I woke up my beloved husband. John saw it, and laughed and said to forward it to him at work. All Lord Of The Rings fans -must- look.

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My muse ran away. I was working on some music when I got the news about my grandmother. My muse stubbed out its ciggy and adjusted its overalls and stood up and just walked the fuck out.

Some days the piano is the womb, and other days it's the Shit Demon from Dogma. Everybody looks at the tools of their expression like this; the graphic artist at the blank page, or the cook at the empty pans, or the programmer at the problem that needs solving.

Right now, the piano isn't anything but a piece of furniture under a dust cloth -- but I swear by all I hold holy, that I'm going to go back and finished what I started. And I'm going to do it soon.

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On top of all this, the chorus to the Monkees song "Papa Gene's Blues" is stuck in my head...

I have no more than I did before
But now I've got all that I need...
For I love you and I know you love me.

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UPDATE UPDATE UPDATE

Beloved friends, it's 1:45 pm. My brother just called me. She's got about an hour left. I will update more when I know more. For now, I'll clear the line, because I have to wait for the telephone to ring once more.

Thank you for your loving wishes. I'll be back when... well... I'll be back.

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UPDATE UPDATE UPDATE #2

It's now just after 5:00 pm. Gran is stable, and as of this writing, it now actually looks as if she's going to live through the night. Thanks for wanting to know. :) Unless something happens in the next three hours, I'm done for the day. I'll be back tomorrow shortly after nine in the morning.

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