Appetite Control

Wednesday, Feb. 18, 2004 - 2:25 a.m.

Day Three.

I can't have potatoes. I can't have bread, or pasta, or cookies, or crackers. They are all starches.

I had to hide the Ritz crackers and the chocolate.

Yesterday's food:

Breakfast: cup of tea with Splenda, and one tablespoon of taco meat mixed in to one scrambled egg. Two large glasses of water.

Lunch: three chicken fingers with most of the breading scraped off, and five small slices of habanero jack cheese. I had a Diet Coke with this.

I called the diet guy and asked what's the safest way to eat pizza for somebody that was trying to lose weight. He said to scrape the tops off and discard the crusts. So, dinner was the tops scraped off of four pieces of pizza. There's not a lot left after you throw away the crusts -- but it felt evil and wonderful to eat a pile of melted cheese and pepperoni and garlic. I had more Diet Coke.

A snack was a half dozen slices of Italian Dry Salami.

Dessert was a blend of cherry and strawberry fat free sugar free Jello gelatin.

Lots of water, and lots of chewing gum.

And lots of longing looks at the unfinished bag of Sweethearts that I haven't finished reading yet.

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There was a chunk of programming on TVLAND last night that totally blew me away. There was a four hour block of shows that had been created by Sid and Marty Krofft.

Among other things, there was an episode each of "Electra Woman and Dyna Girl", which featured a very young and very gorgeous Deidre Hall; "Lidsville," which featured a taller and older and early-70s-foxy looking Butch Patrick trying to escape from a land full of giant hats; "The Bugaloos", which consisted of four shagadelic young Brits wearing wings; "HR Pufnstuf," which featured a big foam rubber dragon and a witch and god only knows what the hell else; "Land Of The Lost", which was a live action / stop motion animation science fiction series that looked as if it took about twelve dollars to produce -- and the final thing we viewers were treated to was a video production of Sid and Marty Krofft, Live at the Hollywood Bowl. This whirlwind of foam rubber excitement featured performers from most of the aforementioned shows, plus the extra delights of those platinum selling superstars, The Brady Bunch Kids, (appearing courtesy of Don Kirshner) and Johnny Whitaker.

What a hunk of shit. Of COURSE I taped it.

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Earlier in the evening, I spoke with Cheri in what seemed like the first time in months. She's doing really well.

Love ya, baby girl! Can't wait to meet you!!

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Dave Marron called and told me Jan Miner died. She was 86. I don't know who out there will recognize her by name -- maybe mostly nobody. But Dave and I know her as Madge the Manicurist in the Palmolive commercials. She played the character for 27 years. She made the Palmolive commercials in French, German, Danish and Italian. Ms. Miner once said "I'd dip my hands in Palmolive the rest of my life,", because it left her free to pick and choose where she wanted to work.

This obituary brought to you by Growing Older Really Sucks.

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