Nuts, Breasts, Ass, and Pussy

Thursday, Feb. 19, 2004 - 2:19 a.m.

Hi.

It's this time of the morning because I just finished pulverizing some cashews.

I knew if I left em whole, I would go back in and take JUST A FEW.

Then later I would take JUST A FEW MORE.

It was me, or them.

The diet guy made an excellent sounding suggestion regarding cashews, which was to use them as a coating on chicken breasts instead of using breadcrumbs.

So I stuck the cashews in a ziploc, grabbed the old wooden breadboard because it has a handle, and probably didn't make as much noise as a hammer would have, and pounded the cashews beyond recognition. Tonight, I'll coat the chicken breasts in the cashews, and fling em in a pan and let em bake.

And -- as at least one of you knows, metaphorically speaking, I'm a master at crushing nuts.

Self? (I ask myself)... Are you going to elaborate?

Nope.

I'm gonna let that one stand.

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Yesterday's breakfast was the same; a scrambled egg with a tablespoon of ground beef and a cup of tea.

Second breakfast was a microwaved stack of dry salami and a small pile of habanero cheese slices. I made little sandwiches with two slices of salami and one of cheese.

Salad. Water. More tea. And yes, two Diet Cokes yesterday. (down from my consumption of six Diet Cokes a day. I'm trying for zero or one.)

Late in the afternoon, I made something for myself that I hadn't consumed in about thirty years. Saurkraut with half a sliced-up frankfurter. I used to eat this by the pan full until I was about ten. Then when I ate it again yesterday afternoon, I remembered why I'd lost my taste for it.

Dinner was pretty good, though. A pork chop, with a side of steamed broccoli with a little cheese on it.

My diet guy said I could have pork rinds if I wanted them. So a bag was purchased. John hates having pork rinds anywhere near him. In his words, "Those things are ass."

Actually, technically -- they're pig. Not ass.

My calorie count is up for the day, though, because that bag of pork rinds and I were at odds. One handful of them became two became three became goddammit I fucked up, that was way over my limit.

I'm going to have to gird my loins and go over to the healthfood store on Geary -- I don't know what it's called, I think it's 'Nuts and Twigs' or something -- and find something crunchy and remotely salty that makes noise, rather than adds to the calorie count.

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Finally, here.

You're invited to follow this link so the title of today's entry will make sense.

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