Second Post Saturday

Saturday, Jun. 20, 2009 - 6:45 p.m.

My family is full of Mexicans. My husband is one-quarter Mexican, from his father's side. My brother-in-law Joey is Mexican and Italian. Old Buddy Dave, aka Dave Marron, is half Mexican. My friend Laura is Mexican. My friend Glenn whom I've known since Junior High is Mexican. And the people who lived on both sides of my Gran for the last thirty years of her life were Mexican families who adored and took care of her as if she were their own abuela.

Even though I do not have a measurable smidgen of Mexican blood in my body, I still consider myself at least a peripheral part of the Mexican-American community, through marriage, and through the friends and loved ones I have had through my entire life, and the understanding and appreciation of their ways. The Mexican culture has enlightened and enriched my life for the entirety of my existence, and will continue to do so for the rest of my days. In fact -- if Mexicans didn't do all of the cheap shitty labor involved in food harvesting here in California, then things like food banks and meal giveaways would not be able to exist due to the food being too expensive to give away to people who haven't paid for it.

Because of all of the above, I have chosen to suspend a friendship with somebody who consistently uses the term "wetback" to describe Mexicans whom this 'friend' perceives to be illegal.

It didn't just happen in the privacy of that person's blog, which is an area that is constitutionally protected and which I believe should stand as written.

It also happened a number of months ago while I was on the phone and heard that person call a motel maid a "fucking wetback".

It can be argued that I should have just thrown in the towel on the friendship and made the break back when the phone thing happened. But no, I figured it was a thing said in the heat of the moment and I assumed the person couldn't possibly actually be as racist as he sounded. So, because I'm one of those people who will give anybody a second chance if a bad thing happens ONCE, I let it slide.

THEN I saw that phrase AGAIN in that person's blog, and I realized that this was an attitude that was pretty much irreversable, ever-present, and ingrained. And if it's being expressed at a time OTHER than sponateously yelling at a maid, it must therefore be part of that person's character.

So, as of this writing, the friendship has been suspended.

I sent an email requesting that a link in that blog which leads to my blog be removed. Lest there be any kind of rumor or misrepresentation taking place anywhere else, allow me to share the content of that email:

Would you do me a favor and edit your main blog template so that the link to my blog is no longer featured there up at the top?

I flatly refuse to be associated in any way whatsoever in a blog that uses racist terms like 'fucking wetback' when my best friend, Dave Marron, is a Mexican.

Thank you. :-)

This link removal has happened, and I am appreciative. That person then placed a phone call to me in which he apologized for offending me. I regret not saving the voicemail, but there was a very nice apology offered.

This apology was not needed, as I am a big advocate of people NEVER having to apologize for expressing their true feelings and showing their true character and real nature.

When I went to check the blog to make sure my link had been removed, I then sent a thank you note, which reads:

Do not ever apologize for the content of your blog. It's YOUR BLOG. You have the right to say what you want in it, because it's YOURS.

However, by the same token, I have the right to distance myself from the content of the blog if I find it in complete opposition to my beliefs.

So, THANK YOU for removing the link to my blog.

And that, my friends, is the complete extent of email that I sent. I have NOT been rude, I have NOT requested removal of blog content other than the link to here, and that person is free to express themselves however they want.

But I am also compelled to distance myself from people who use racist terms, no matter why they think it's okay to use them. I even left a comment in that person's blog, clarifying my position:

You have the right to say whatever you want in your blog. It’s your blog, and we know exactly what kind of person you really are by what you write. Never apologize for the contents of this blog. I’ve said that a half a dozen times to folks everywhere. Now, whether people stick around and want to read what you write? That’s also a question of freedom of choice.

I have no idea if there have been any email responses, because their email address has been put on my spam list. It goes into a folder, and twice a day, the contents of that folder are destroyed.

So that's the latest.

I have no regrets, other than simply not figuring out sooner the extent of the alligators lurking in the sewer.

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Have a good rest of Saturday.

So far, mine has been spectacularly problem-free.

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2 of my readers commented on this entry

abby - 2009-06-21 02:06:36
Well said, Brin. Like you, I have so many loved ones and friends who are Hispanic - my two best friends are Puerto Rican and Bolivian, my Brooklyn neighborhood is almost totally Dominican and Puerto Rican and I consider it a blessing to be an honorary boricua. But even if I wasn't, I know very well as a Jew and as a gay woman how hurtful words can be. Sticks and stones, sure...but the meanings behind those words are just as harmful. And if you haven't seen "A Day Without a Mexican" yet - well, that demonstrates just how much our country relies on illegal immigrants to keep us all going. I totally acknowledge this is a big issue with big problems - but to insult a person for his/her race/ethnicity just makes the issues worse. I think you did the right thing and you did it politely and with grace.
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beanie - 2009-06-21 13:36:03
Even when I lived in Wisconsin, Mexicans were a part of the farming community there. They were always hard-working and polite, and I never had reason to take issue with them. Now that I live in San Diego, they are so much more a part of the community. They still seem to be hard-working and polite.. probably more so than any other ethnic group. I know you read me for a while, and I try not to be prejudiced against any group other than drunks. Prejudice and racism are very unproductive and unattractive traits in a person.. John Lennon said it best, Imagine all the people, living life in peace! So be it.
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