Brian & The Sea

Sunday, Apr. 24, 2005 - 9:51 a.m.

Yesterday afternoon, I was just about to let my allergy meds have their way with me. I'd gotten into my jammies, and settled down in bed, and told John I would be awake again at six -- and my cell phone rang at four-thirty in the afternoon.

It was Br1@n Cl@yt0n. And he had news.

He's leaving San Francisco in a few more weeks, to move in with the woman he loves. They live too far apart and miss one another too much during the week, and this is just a tremendous leap of faith for him. Her two daughters love him, too.

I don't think there are words in English for how brave I think he is.

The long and the short of it is that if he's certain he'll be happier doing this than not doing this, then he shall go forth and be happy.

Upon hearing his news, I told Brian to come get me, that I would wake up fully, and we'd go to dinner and he could tell me all about it.

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I got up out of bed. I drank a great big glass of Diet Coke. My husband gave me a B Complex and very lovingly helped me dress and shove me out the door. I think he wanted down time, and I was happy to provide that.

I waited out in the front of the building. And for what is probably the last time, Brian drove up and I hopped in.

He asked where I wanted to go for dinner, and I requested Denny's in Pacifica, because the drive was so pretty.

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We drove and talked. As I listened to him, I became less worried. He sounded not a hundred percent sure of anything, which is probably one of the few times I've heard him sound like that -- but for him, believe it or not, that's a huge step. I said "I gotta tell you, I really get the jitters every time I say goodbye to friends who move away. I've never seen any of them again. Best laid plans, yadda yadda..." and he said "I hope you're not lumping me in with everybody else; if I say I'll be back again, I will. Don't worry."

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We went to Denny's in Pacifica. I walked in, hoping to see one of the new faces -- and there was Caryn. She was still there. She seated us, and I said "John's at home watching a movie; here's Brian." Caryn smiled and asked me about vacation. I declared that I was sunburned and bankrupt, but that I had a great time. She asked which rides I went on, and took our order. Brian had brought a package with him and given it to me, which was a complete surprise; it was a beautiful sculpture that doubled as an essential oil warmer. He figured that since I almost always had eleventy skillion tea candles on the premises, this burner would last me a lifetime.

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After dinner, we did something we hadn't done in a long time. We found someplace scenic and just walked around. The last time I had done anything like that with it being just the two of us, I weighed around 300 lbs and was short of breath. This time around, I was even able to swing a leg over the fence and walk where we probably weren't supposed to. Brian had to spot me during my leg swingover so I wouldn't tumble down the cliff to my death, and we walked down to the trees.

It made for a couple of nice pictures:

The trees were so nice, up against the sky and the sea, but the sunset itself was also wonderful:

And I think maybe the last picture of just the two of us for awhile:

But at last it got cold enough to chase us back into the car, and we went to his place for a pit stop, and then he drove me home.

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There were tears shed. Mostly happy. I think a few scary ones, too, though. Change is always a big deal, even good changes.

I thanked him for finding me. First in 1996, when he moved to San Francisco... And again in 2003 when I had the problems with the impostor. I thanked him for all that time he spent listening to me decompress, and for all that time he spent troubleshooting.

BC, I'm sorry if I got snot on that shirt.

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So I got home, and told John that Caryn said hieeeee, and that it was nice of him to let me go visit with Brian, and that even though it's nerve-wracking all around, BC really wants to give things a try with Shani and the kids, and that as long as he was happy, I'd be happy for him.

I think he'll be all right.

And I guess if either of us gets into a pickle that only the other can fix, we know where to find each other.

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So that was my Saturday.

See ya tomorrow!

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