Phoenix Dreams

Sunday, Apr. 18, 2004 - 7:14 a.m.

It's funny how the events of one day can drastically change your outlook.

This has happened to me twice in the space of seven days.

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I was waiting and worrying about the fact that my brother hasn't paid his rent yet and that it was past time for being due, and I was afraid that something bad had happened to his family that required the money to stay there with him and take care of the kids, etc... so finally I simply called him and asked.

Nope. Nothing is wrong, financiallywise. He and the entire family are passing a cold around, and he's been off his feet and just plain old not able to get to the post office and priority mail me the check. He apologized for the delay, said it would be mailed on Monday, and then said "Oh by the way, I misunderstood what the attorney told me."

He then went on to say that the attorney had finally clarified to him that probate on my grandmother's estate -begins- in June, not ends in June, and that the assets wouldn't be available to us until four months later. He apologized again for the misunderstanding.

July August September October.

Which means I can't start back to school in September like I wanted to. Which means I have to wait until January to go back to school instead. The car we're driving has to stay patched together for four months longer than we'd scheduled. My cosmetic dental work gets to be postponed.

The only thing I'm determined to still do is stick to my travel plans, because thanks to Priceline / Frontier Airlines, those things are still within my budget. If I weren't still keeping the option of getting away for a few days and visiting friends, -that- would be what would push me over the edge of the precepice. But I'm not the sackcloth and ashes type.

So if you're one of the people reading this who is expecting to see me sometime in the next few months, rest assured it WILL still happen. :-)

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John and I went to IKEA yesterday afternoon and wandered around getting ideas for the new furnishings that are now being postponed until October. We saw a bunch of good concepts, and we pretty much nailed down what we're going to do in the living room -- but while we were looking at wardrobe closets, something really cool happened. He went to open a door with a full length mirror, and I caught a full-length glimpse of myself from ten feet away.

I hadn't glimpsed myself from that far away since I undertook my weight loss.

John continued his habit of walking ahead of me and muttering softly. When he does that, I'm not included in that conversation by default, because there's so much white noise in a place like IKEA that he blends in, and I have no way to hear him properly.

One of these days, he's going to accept the fact that I have a hearing problem that a hearing aid can't help, and one of these days he'll remember to turn and face me when he speaks to me in a noisy public place.

Something else cool happened there, too. Usually I get short of breath from all of the walking around through IKEA. That didn't happen yesterday. It's really marvelous to be mobile again!

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Today, the big cookie test. I get to make the madacamia white chocolate chip cookies to overnight to a dear friend on Monday. Except for the nuts themselves, this will be the first time I make something that I can't taste during the process at all. I guess now will be when I see if I can take all of that wonderful ivory tower philosophy I dished out to Paul during his own metapmorphosis about the cooking process and how the pleasure of the cooking and the presentation can fill the place that used to be satisfied by the consumption of the finished dish.

I think I'll be okay.

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Back to the conversation with my brother -- I found out from my sister-in-law that he's been regularly reading my blog, and that he'd been boasting to her about my accomplishments this year. My cessation of use of all of my over-the-counter sleep aids, along with my weight loss has been something that he'd been proud of me for doing.

I'd only heard about that yesterday from Shelley. Until then, I had no idea or concept that my attempts at self-improvement were of any particular significance to anybody in my immediate family.

I did think about something, though: I used to hear from other people how proud my father was of me. But I can't recall him saying it directly to me in his lifetime. Interesting how that pattern seems to have carried over to the next generation. :-)

Sometimes I think that even though I'm four and a half years his senior, that my brother is older than I am.

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Easter was a week ago today.

The San Francisco earthquake was 98 years ago today.

From death came life.

The phoenix, rising from the ashes. Life renewed, stronger than before.

Things to be taken to heart when starting over.

And yes, that was directed at you. You know who you are.

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In my CD player this morning: "Autumn" by George Winston.

In the DVD player, "Forbidden Planet". :-)

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